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I keep hearing it takes a village to raise a child. Do they just show up? Or is there like, a number to call?
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Don't ever let a recipe tell you how many chocolate chips to use. You measure that shit with your heart.
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Does anyone know which page of the Bible explains how to turn water into wine? Asking for a friend.
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part of me says I should stop drinking like this, but the other part of me says don't listen to her she's drunk
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they should put more wine in a bottle so there's enough for two people
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I just grabbed the milk from the fridge and I'm pretty sure I heard the wine say, "what the hell?"
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I don't know the secret to happiness, but I tell you what - I've never been sad at a Mexican Restaurant.
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As soon as you say, "My child would never," here they come nevering like they never nevered before.
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After I'm done snacking, I have to show my hands to the dog like I'm a black jack dealer
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Thank you, craft beer breweries, for making my drinking problem seem like a neat hobby.
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I love bacon because you can wrap it around everything. It's basically the duct tape of food.
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Don't let them treat you like free chips and salsa. You're guac baby, guac
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I see all these moms who can do everything, and I think I should have them do some stuff for me.
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It's okay to fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart and we still love them.
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