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After I drop the kids off at school, I go from #momlife to #thuglife in about 6 seconds flat.

After I drop the kids off at school, I go from #momlife to #thuglife in about 6 seconds flat.

$9.00

All of my plants are dead. The good news is, the kids are still alive.

All of my plants are dead. The good news is, the kids are still alive.

$9.00

Humans are my side bitch. Solitude is my main bitch.

Humans are my side bitch. Solitude is my main bitch.

$9.00

I don't mind the calories from alcohol, but when it comes to food I'm like, "Is it worth it? Can I work it? Can I put my thing down flip it and reverse it?"

I don't mind the calories from alcohol, but when it comes to food I'm like, "Is it worth it? Can I work it? Can I put my thing down flip it and reverse it?"

$9.00

I keep saying, "Alexa," when I mean, "Siri," and I can't believe I live in a tie when I'm getting my servant robots mixed up.

I keep saying, "Alexa," when I mean, "Siri," and I can't believe I live in a tie when I'm getting my servant robots mixed up.

$9.00

I thought I liked coffee. Turns out I like creamer.

I thought I liked coffee. Turns out I like creamer.

$9.00

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is falling off.

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is falling off.

$9.00

I was like "Whatever, bitches." And the bitches whatevered.

I was like "Whatever, bitches." And the bitches whatevered.

$9.00

I've been single for awhile now, and I have to say, it's going very well. Like... it's working out. I think I'm the one.

I've been single for awhile now, and I have to say, it's going very well. Like... it's working out. I think I'm the one.

$9.00

I've loss less than a pound on my five-year long diet. #progressnotperfection

I've loss less than a pound on my five-year long diet. #progressnotperfection

$9.00

If I say, "Let me check my calendar," you should know I'm lying and I just don't want to participate. I lost my calendar in 2016.

If I say, "Let me check my calendar," you should know I'm lying and I just don't want to participate. I lost my calendar in 2016.

$9.00

If I was a care bear, I'd have a glass of wine on my belly

If I was a care bear, I'd have a glass of wine on my belly

$9.00

Notorious RBG

$9.00

Wake up. Kick ass. Repeat.

Wake up. Kick ass. Repeat.

$9.00

When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: you haven't. - Thomas Edison

When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: you haven't. - Thomas Edison

$9.00

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