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Did you know that you use 17 muscles when opening a bottle of wine? Fitness is my passion. Swedish dishcloth

$7.90

If cats could text you back, they wouldn't.

$13.00

I see all these moms who can do everything, and I think I should have them do some stuff for me.

$13.00

I love highlighters, planners, to-do lists, and anything else that gives the illusion that I've got my life together list pad

$6.50

dog hair. a condiment and an accessory.

$13.00

It's okay to fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart and we still love them.

$13.00

Trail mix? You mean M & M's with obstacles?

$13.00

Nothing says middle aged like sending a text after a ladies night out that says Here's the soup recipe I was telling you about cocktail napkins

$5.50

My heart says wine and my stomach says chocolate, but my jeans say, for the love of God woman, eat a salad

$13.00

The dishes are looking at me dirty again. Swedish dishcloth

$7.90

If Target had a bar, my life would be perfect 100 sheet sticky note pad

$4.95

I couldn't find a parking spot at my work, so I left. They've got enough people 100 sheet sticky note pad

$4.95

I'm never sure if I actually have free time, or if I just keep forgetting shit list pad

$6.50

I always carry a knife in my purse. You know, in case of cheesecake or something zipper pouch

$11.00

When life gives you lemons, find someone whose life gave them vodka, and make lemon drops. And then invite me over. Swedish dishcloth

$7.90

My husband just said, "calm down" like he wants his own dateline special cocktail napkins

$5.50

Eat a salad they say, it's healthy. You know what never gets recalled? Pie. #teampie

$13.00

I used to be an athlete. Now my watch congratulates me for standing up 100 sheet sticky note pad

$4.95

I wish I could be the person I thought I could be when I bought all this produce

$13.00

I'm pretty sure being friends with you is bad for my liver.

$13.00

They should put prizes in your tampon box. Sorry your period sucks, but here's half off a carton of ice cream you cranky bitch zipper pouch

$11.00

Every single day there is something to do and I am sick of it. 100 sheet sticky note pad

$4.95

I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get... well you know... oreos.

$13.00

I either give too many shits, or no shits at all.

$13.00

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