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$13.00

I would like to thank whoever saw the coffee bean and thought, "Hey, if I smash that and mix it with water, it will be AWESOME!"

$13.00

I planted some vegetables and they actually grew. So there's another freakin' thing I've got to deal with kitchen tea towel

$13.00

I don't pretend to be anything I'm not. Except sober. I've pretended to be sober a time or two.

$13.00

It's almost time for me to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

$13.00

Every single day there is something to do and I am sick of it list pad

$6.50

Some women like to be wined and dined. I like to be margarita'd and queso'd Swedish dishcloth

$7.90

Security Guard: Ma'am, you can't bring outside drinks in here. Me: This is a service mimosa.

$13.00

I hate it when people ask me what I like to do for fun, because there's no classy way to say, "Day Drink."

$5.50

I hate it when people are around me when I'm trying to parallel park. It's like, "Can I get some privacy here?" cocktail napkins

$5.50

Do what you love and the money will follow. Ate pizza, drank wine, and took a 3 hour nap. Now I wait.

$13.00

High maintenance zipper pouch

$11.00

Equal rights for others doesn't mean fewer rights for you. It's not pie.

$13.00

I said I wasn't going to drink today, But then I went for a walk and saw a woman drinking a glass of wine through her living room window and thought, well if she's having one - Cocktail Napkins

$5.50

Dog owners: I prepped for a month to adopt. Cat owners: I found him in the trash. 100 sheet sticky note pad

$4.95

Today I am going to give it my some list pad

$6.50

I couldn't decide if I wanted bangs or not, so I cut bangs for my daughter and she looks just awful. Really dodged a bullet there zipper pouch

$11.00

I get so confused when I see skinny people running. Aren't you done? zipper pouch

$11.00

when I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children like the bottle says.

$13.00

Grandma said in her day, she did 3 times the work you do. Me: Well, in grandma's day, there was cocaine in the soda. Cocktail Napkins

$5.50

Dieting is easy ... everything is on fire, because you're in hell

$13.00

Isn't it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything, and one hand that's like, "I don't even know how to hold a pencil." kraft notebook

$5.00

I'm just going to flip this omelet here annnnd.. scrambled eggs it is.

$13.00

saying, "and shit" after everything can make it sound gangster. For example: "I like to clip coupons and shit." zipper pouch

$11.00

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