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Dear Santa, I can explain. But first, how much do you already know?
Dear Santa, I can explain. But first, how much do you already know?
$12.00
They don't know we know they know we know
They don't know we know they know we know
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plant lady is the new cat lady
plant lady is the new cat lady
$12.00
Equal rights for others doesn't mean fewer rights for you. It's not pie.
Equal rights for others doesn't mean fewer rights for you. It's not pie.
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Gangster wrapper
Gangster wrapper
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White claw is the new black
White claw is the new black
$12.00
What I say, "Get in the car." What my kids hear, "Run around the front yard till mom says the F-word."
What I say, "Get in the car." What my kids hear, "Run around the front yard till mom says the F-word."
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I like to leave little notes in my kids lunchbox
I like to leave little notes in my kids lunchbox
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Does anyone know which page of the Bible explains how to turn water into wine? Asking for a friend.
Does anyone know which page of the Bible explains how to turn water into wine? Asking for a friend.
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Eat a salad they say, it's healthy. You know what never gets recalled? Pie. #teampie
Eat a salad they say, it's healthy. You know what never gets recalled? Pie. #teampie
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When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East".
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East".
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Mom, I have a papercut. Cool. You were 9 lbs at birth.
Mom, I have a papercut. Cool. You were 9 lbs at birth.
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I wish I could be the person I thought I could be when I bought all this produce
I wish I could be the person I thought I could be when I bought all this produce
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I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and I'll I could think was, I bet a donut wouldn't have done this to me
I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and I'll I could think was, I bet a donut wouldn't have done this to me
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Well, since there's two of us, we should just split a bottle. You want red, white, or vodka?
Well, since there's two of us, we should just split a bottle. You want red, white, or vodka?
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Pivot
Pivot
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dude, auto correct-stop trying to fix my curse words, for ducks sake!
dude, auto correct-stop trying to fix my curse words, for ducks sake!
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are we having drinks or dranks? i need to dress accordingly
are we having drinks or dranks? i need to dress accordingly
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stove for display only
stove for display only
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I wish I could put it in the bank, because walking around with this much Kohl's cash makes me nervous
I wish I could put it in the bank, because walking around with this much Kohl's cash makes me nervous
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Never trust anyone who can spell gonorrhea right on the first try.
Never trust anyone who can spell gonorrhea right on the first try.
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I either have my hair and make up done, or I look homeless. There is no in between.
I either have my hair and make up done, or I look homeless. There is no in between.
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Some days I amaze myself
Some days I amaze myself
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Having thick thighs means you can hold more puppies on you lap
Having thick thighs means you can hold more puppies on you lap
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