Funny Kitchen Tea Towels | Funny Kitchen Towels | Kitchen Towel Sayings – Page 3

I wish I could be the person I thought I could be when I bought all this produce

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I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and I'll I could think was, I bet a donut wouldn't have done this to me

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Well, since there's two of us, we should just split a bottle. You want red, white, or vodka?

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Pivot

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dude, auto correct-stop trying to fix my curse words, for ducks sake!

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are we having drinks or dranks? i need to dress accordingly

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stove for display only

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I wish I could put it in the bank, because walking around with this much Kohl's cash makes me nervous

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Never trust anyone who can spell gonorrhea right on the first try.

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I either have my hair and make up done, or I look homeless. There is no in between.

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Some days I amaze myself

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Having thick thighs means you can hold more puppies on you lap

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According to this box of mac and cheese, I'm a family of four

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I either give too many shits, or no shits at all.

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guacamole is my safe word

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Aww, snap.

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happy girls are the prettiest girls.

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Be the person your dog thinks you are.

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I have a feeling my 'check liver' light might come on soon.

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talk to me goose.

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I'm outdoorsy in that I like drinking on patios.

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coffee before talkie

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oh kale yeah!

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Na'mastay in bed

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